~ AUGUST 17th - 30th, 2007 ~

(the latest entries are always added to the top)

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. - AL I:40

Thursday August 30th 2007 – 6:00pm I received this question: "Mr.Cornelius, I emailed you a while ago on where to find your book? [Aleister Crowley & The Ouija Board] If it is at all possible, with your permission, may I ask you a question about one chapter that seemed logical. (Chapter 4) ? In Chapter 4 you mention "shells" and "elementals" and in which these shells are what these so called elementals animate and are what the medium or psychic picks up or reads. Is it at all possible that the medium has communicated with a person that has astral travelled (deceased or not) and not an elemental? And are these elementals on the same "plane" as a person who is or has astral travelled? I would totally understand If you cannot or are unable to answer this. Thank you for your time. lili." ..... Answer: In theory, the elemental moves through all planes due to its composition. I am not a great believer in the theory regarding astral travel so I might not be the best person to answer your question. I believe that the Human Spirit must stay within our body until death and then it'll move on. However, we can ‘shape’ our elemental [daimon or ally] into any form and use him as our eyes [as a go-between] to experience and travel into other realms. I have done this for years as a Hawk; depicted in my oil paintings as a winged red globe. Other people simply form their elemental into an image of themselves; which is where the confusion arises that their astral is merely part of their psychic anatomy rather than an actual objective entity. I think some mediums have difficulty distinguishing the difference due to their training or religious upbringing. ... And if our 'astral body' is in reality our elemental guardian, then everyone must have a similiar guardian and so can they meet? Of course they can.

1:45pm I received this reply to my last entry: "Turn your back, no but maybe to keep peace you might try not posting your answers if they mention OTO?" ..... Answer: Say what? Isn't censorship contrary to Liber OZ wherein we are told that we have the right to write as we will? Besides, my blog addresses questions which many people have issues with and many of my answers are simply me giving my views publicly so that I don't have to be redunant all the time in my private emails. In fact; my answering the same question over and over has dropped off 75% in the last six months. It frees me up to address more important matters.

1:20pm Yes, I agree with your view or: “I guess the bigger question is whether or not cross-over initiates in different Fraternities should talk about issues in other groups?” ..... Answer: I think they should; the AA for example deals with our journey throughout our incarnation in quest of our True Will; morning, noon and night. If one of our initiates is also a member of the OTO and has issues therein which may affect their performance in our fraternity, should we turn our back on them when they ask questions ... simply because our views might offend OTO? ... I don't know why it's come to mind but here is an amusing quote: "I've always love the Christian mentality: attack the messenger and never change your own behavior regardless of how wrong it might be!"

11:10am I was informed today by a concerned OTO initiate and friend that I have "pissed off some people" with my "airing local dirty laundry" on my blog. It seems some in the local Order have been trying to paint the area as "turned around" ... "and growing positively and Thelemically." Anyway, I apologize if I have offended anyone with my writing.  

Tuesday August 28, 2007 – 6:45pm Since October and more recently in the last few weeks, my health has not been the best. I have been under severe stress of late and have had three minor attacks since Saturday requiring nitro. I have tried to answer some of your lengthy emails but my energy level is simply not good and I get tired often, needing two or more naps daily. I want to let everyone know that all emails received which are longer than two or three paragraphs will be filed until further notice. My work-load is tremendous with my immediate students, with my writing, lecturing and teaching. I'm asking everyone else to be patient and please, keep emails short and questions to the point.

5:00pm Two things on the NEWS; first, Berkeley had a little earthquake about an hour ago, just a 3.0 magnitude. It didn't shake much, I thought it was something that I ate. ... and second, the NEWS says that someone lit up the huge wooden ‘Burning Man’ a few hours ago, or four days early and ironically it was arson! The Burning Man is a project best known for an eight-day-long annual festival that takes place in Black Rock City, Nevada. “Festival organizers, meanwhile, pondered the smoldering remains of the Man and promised to rebuild the big guy in time for Saturday's regularly scheduled burn.”

4:00am Andy, no biggy. I should have emailed and let you know that I posted the reply in the blog. My fault.

Sunday August 26, 2007 - 2:30pm Dear Mister “please keep my name anonymous”, for the record; I never attended Pangenetor Lodge’s Monthly Meetings nor did I have any input into how it was run. I also avoided all Fifth Degree meetings. When I quit as Thelema Lodge Master in 1993 I walked out and went into hiding; devoting much of my time and energy into AA. Now you have the audacity to make the comment that the “backstabbing and gossiping at Therion-Babalon is an infectious disease" begun by me. How dare you. When am I going to stop being the Bay Area’s whipping boy? I am NOT the common denominator but its funny, fourteen years have passed since 1993 and through the grape-vine I still hear rumors about me being spread by people like you who neither know me nor ever met me. I seem to have grown in monstrous proportions as a great boogey man that is hiding behind every tree; an evil that moves like a fog across a field at night and sooner or later it’ll be my fault that we’re in the Iraq war! ..... You know why I am disliked in the Bay Area? When I was Lodge Master I wanted everyone to follow The Book of the Law and when I told the petty-minded, gossiping back stabbers that they were acting more like Christians than Thelemites they got upset because they couldn't control me nor defend their actions. Their solution was to walk out on Thelema Lodge, stamped their feet and cry like little babies; it became far easier to bad-mouth, slander and hate me than to change their own behavior!

11:45am My friend Dave just sent me this joke:

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine, and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she went on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? The next day, they went back to the store and bought outfits that were even more outrageous.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!

Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said "Good morning, Father, ~ Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."

"Yes, Father?"

"We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"

She replied, "Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen!"

9:45am Another comment received about self reflection and trying to understand one's incarnation stated, “There's a necessary alchemy that's been happening all along here, but only recently for the first time, I'm starting to see the sense of it - the arc of the story of my life.  I've sure gone far off the beaten track; consciously defying my own true Will in the process much of them time. In lots of ways this has been a part of my magickal curriculum though. It's as if I'm almost getting a bigger picture now. Maybe a bit of overall pattern is coming clear now piece by piece.” ..... Answer: Very good. But I believe that we cannot say what has been right or wrong in regards to our past actions in relationship to our True Will until we’ve died. Remember; you’ve come to this ‘realization’ through many trials and tribulations, all of which, excluding none, have made you who you are today ... which enabled you to come to this realization. That is why I liked the attitude that nothing that has ever been should be seen as a negative. ..... He then wrote, “This is what I need to document in my "Soul" biography. I need to identify the seeds of life experience that took root during my childhood and adolescence that lead me to searching to uncover the reason for my incarnation - True Will. Childhood is the initiation that implants the seed archetypes and challenges of the incarnation.” ..... Answer: Agreed. But of note: psychology helps us to realize the inherent baggage that we carry into adulthood which unconsciously affects us. But more often than not, psychology’s view of ‘baggage’ is seen as a ‘negative.’ My view, of all my childhood traumas, is that they are ‘positive actions’ needed as foundation stones to give me a certain necessary outlook toward life, or something that I require in order to fulfill my incarnation. When I study my life, I see ‘baggage’ as something that I’m willingly carrying around for a reason. I just want to become consciously aware of the nature of the baggage so I can utilize it to my fullest possible ability.

9:30am A fellow traveler previously wrote, “That interior decision one makes at some point -- to look upon all experiences as the direct dealing of G*d with the soul -- can't be retracted once its forces are set in motion, even (or perhaps especially) if the choice was made uncomprehendingly, as I now see it was in my case.” ..... Answer: Correct! It’s an Abysmal Ordeal that all good magicians must sooner or later face but whether or not the oath of a Magister Templi was consciously evoked or unconsciously evoked it must run its course. ... Remind me to have you read John St.John, Equinox Vol.I Number I pg.10-11 the next time you’re over. The full oath which you paraphrased of a Magister Templi is actually published here. And yes, you can’t ‘retract’ the Oath but you can prove unworthy of it and ‘fall’ down to Malkuth. It reads in full:  I _________, A member of the Body of God, hereby bind myself on behalf of the Whole Universe, even as we are now physically bound unto the cross of suffering: that I will lead a pure life, as a devoted servant of the Order: that I will understand all things: that I will love all things: that I will perform all things and endure all things: that I will continue in the Knowledge and Conversation of my Holy Guardian Angel: that I will work without attachment: that O will work in truth: that I will rely only upon myself: that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul. And if I fail herein, may my pyramid be profaned, and the Eye closed to me. Witness my hand (motto) __________.  (from Liber Collegii Interni) ... You should never take this Oath lightly unless one’s ego is under control; try living it first and see 'how it fits.'

7:50am ... OK, I agree, "an OTO leader (parent) who refuses to admit their mistakes and yells at their members (children) who make the same mistakes is simply a control-freak with issues." But I’m not going to get involved in the politics of your area, I got my own to deal with!

7:35am Carol writes, “Bravo! Give ‘em Hell!” ..... Answer: Yes but I still reserve the right to hold out hope. ... Hope that some day the local OTO might wake up and begin to act Thelemically again and, if that occurs, we should never hold past actions against them as much as acknowledging that these past actions were simply part of their learning experience. Remember; a parent, who can warn a child against tripping on the rocks because they too had once tripped, is truly a teacher.

6:50am Phillip from Chicago writes, “I thought you were not in OTO anymore. Why are you so concerned with it still? Grow up, let it go and stop trashing us.”  ..... Answer: Ouch. Phillip, have you thought about eating more bran? For starters, the OTO is the major attractor of people thinking they’re getting into the teachings and philosophy of Aleister Crowley and inevitably become disillusioned because they realize that what the OTO claims and what it is, are two different things. Since the occult world is so small, there are cross-overs in all our groups. We cannot help but see the affect that OTO is having on young people. Finally, the issue is not with ‘me’ talking with one of my students on this blog as much as people like you being offended by me pointing out that your face is dirty.

6:35am First off, I’ve honored your request to be anonymous on my blog and I apology if my last posting might get you in trouble with the local OTO body. But shouldn’t this tell you something? When did Thelema become like Nazi Germany when things had to whispers out of fear that someone might hear you and report you to the authorities?

6:10am You asked a very good question, “Are all OTO initiates trained in magick?” And then you added further in your email, “All I’ve seen is a lot of posers here in Berkeley making great claims with no scientific data to back it up.”  ..... Answer: Scientific date? That had me chuckling. You must realize that the OTO is NOT a magickal fraternity, so don’t hold it accountable to such standards. That is not its goal, nor has it been in the last thirty years. When you wrote, “I don’t see magicians at any local body” I can only add that this is why in the world of magick today is so dry with no books or writings appearing of any worth by its initiates. A lot of initiates learn the rhetoric of a banishing ritual or other rituals and then prance around the yard like a game hen in heat to show themselves off. This is one of the two major reasons why the Gnostic Mass is so important to the OTO. First and foremost; it’s a ‘recruitment tool.’ ... And have you ever asked yourself why does the OTO have more young men than women? It is because a naked women on the altar appeals to adolescent male libidos! ... But equally important, it offers the weak-minded the belief that they really are a magician and a Thelemite if they assist in or perform the ritual. Silly rabbits, they forget that magick is a spiritual path and that simply learning a dramatic play-like ritual or becoming an intellect ‘does not a magician make.’ Tricks are for kids. Magick is a complicated path toward self-discover which is like peeling the layers of an onion away until one’s True Will is finally discovered. I am always amazed at how many Thelemites work, come home and rent videos or play computer games while rarely reading any Thelemic books of spiritual worth. Then, without a good foundation of Thelemic knowledge, these same individuals have absolutely nothing to go by when mundane issues arise. They quickly judge their fellow Fraternal Brothers or Sisters by almost old aeonic Christian-like standards that they learned in their childhood. This is why so much of the OTO has been reduced to petty backstabbing, gossip mongering and clickish behavior and why the Order must rely on Masonic-styled Rules & Regulations in an attempt to ‘control’ its members. The Order is incapable of judging an issue from a Thelemic point of view; in part because the OTO tells its initiates that they should not study The Book of the Law!  Catch 22. Thus, local OTO bodies have been reduced to the old aeonic standards which states: “If you’re not like us or part of our click” we’ll get information to have you banned or brought up on ‘felonious’ charges in order to push you away. The Bay Area is bathed in this behavior. I wish I had a nickel for every issue that occurred privately in a home or apartment between initiates here in the Bay Area that should have had absolutely NOTHING to do with the OTO. However, simply because both parties might be initiates, the local OTO body believes it has the undisputed right to use a person's private antics against them in order to impose control and restrictions by bringing them up on charges to either be banished locally or expelled. When did Thelemites loose their rights? When did the OTO gain authority over what occurs in your bedroom? Am I the only one who sees problems with this? I think, if something occurs on the premise or in an actual OTO event, deal with it accordingly but let initiates ‘Do what thou wilt’ and by all means, stop wielding 'restrictions' at them which is the only sin that our faith has.  

Friday August 24th 2007 – 8:00am I have received lots of questions today on Angelic duality. To answer a bunch generically let me point out that the second your conscious mind tries to focus its attention upon either good or evil as defined by any mundane faith both extremes scurry into the thick underbrush as if the light of day were their enemy. It is no secret that all attempts to understand either the origins or nature behind good and evil will inevitably lead you down a confusing road where contradiction is the only sign-post. There are only two primary western spiritual concepts to consider when discussing these extremes in relationship to the Holy Guardian Angel. The first viewpoint believes that good and evil are merely two opposite poles originating from the same origin, the second viewpoint divides the two poles into two entirely separate entities. The first is often referred to as monotheism, or the belief in a single, universal, all-encompassing supreme deity. The second belief is called dualism. It teaches that there are two independent and divine beings or principles, one good and the other evil. Within both structures the other exists in varying degrees. Some philosophers argue that both views merely split hairs.

7:50am I added a new 'Angle' painting done by Luna onto her webpage; its vibrant yellow, highlighter with reds and green. It's beautiful. Check it out!

Thursday August 23rd 2007 – 9:25am One of my students from Freemont wrote me this blub; “You’re up to something - I just know it.” ... He then quoted the blurb that Luna wrote in regards to the ‘Angle 93 JErRmYn Street 93 93 /93’ and added, “I remember now... You pointed that drawing out early on. Then the elemental banners went up. Your historical blogs give concentrated little dollops of the archetypes and the whole hidden world then takes them back to Crowley's world one way or another.(Sure I've seen some of my own aspects featured there!)  "A collision of time and space and dimensions." You mentioned grasping the Caliphate's Sword... There's a portal in the drawing that goes directly back. Is it a sigil?  Hey! You upta sum big mojo oba-deya boy??? And could you explain that thing about the "Cirkle" one more time???” ..... My answer: Boy this is a mouthful! It had me in stitches, scratching my head, smiling, sitting back in deep thought and wanting a beer and all within the first five seconds! Ah, grasshopper, you are closer than you know! The ‘cirkle’ is a name we’ve given to our Friday night gatherings. Crowley changed magic to magick, we changed circle to cirkle. Ah, da Kaph, the 11th letter.  A clue?  Kaph rules the Wheel of Fortune, no? The keyword for the path is a word called ‘rewarding.’

9:10am One of the really good questions that I’ve received recently simply asked, “Does the guidance received through K&C supersede the outer teacher and his HGA?” ..... Answer: I’m not sure what you are asking but I’m thinking that you want to know if communication with your HGA contradicts your mundane teacher, who should you follow.  If this is your question, the answer is simple, follow your HGA always.  Ignore me! Remember, your teachers like everyone’s, can only reflect upon their own experiences of what lead them to the point on the mountain where they presently stand. But the Laws of your Universe are different than mine. Aleister Crowley’s biggest problem with his students was that he wanted them to climb the mountain but he also wanted them to follow his every footstep because obviously ‘he achieved’ and therefore his steps should be ‘correct’ for everyone to follow.  Kinda old aeonic, no? Tragically, every student like Fraters Achad who dared to try to discover the Laws of their Universe, Crowley shunned and attacked. If you weren't a Crowley clone, he got upset. Anyway, he knew that he was a good mountain climber but he just couldn’t teach it in a new aeonic fashion. Remember; he was an old soul, born thirty years before the advent of The Book of the Law. ... The lesson; it is always important to distinguish the teacher from his teachings.

9:05am Here is a good question: “Is the ‘spiritual body’ of the HGA composed somehow of a primordial mix of the attributes of Chokma and Binah as Knower and Known in order to make Knowledge possible?” ..... Answer: Very good. ‘But the two inevitably equals four!’ And with that you can ask. “What the Hell is talking about?”  Well, the four refers to the elements (Prana) that manifest through Tiphereth via The High Priestess from ‘above’ the Abyss. The two, Father and Mother, produces a child who once through Tiphereth becomes the subtle composition (Tattwas) of not only our daimon but everything else that manifest. Thus two = four = duality. I know it’s a book for the grade of the Magus (Chockmah) but the opening line in Liber B states - “One is the Magus : twain His Forces; four His weapons.”

9:00am In an email another student wrote, “The Udana throat chakra is called ‘knowledge’ and is attributed to Da'ath. Regardie describes the channel to Da'ath (paraphrased) as an all-penetrant beam of brilliance emitted downwards towards the nape of the neck. It widens to form a brilliant center similar to, though smaller than Kether. This is the conscious link or point of contact for spirit with ego. My intuition here is that strengthening the "trunk feed" from Kether  to Da'ath through visualizion and practice could be one way to help bring about or facilitate more substantial communication with the HGA moment to moment once contact is established. Following this line of thought, if true, would conversation with the HGA as the source of one's ‘knowledge’ ultimately give the initiate access to Kether in some way?” .... Answer: You are an excellent thinker at logic; a rare treat amongst magicians who’ll blindly follow anything they read that someone else says is ‘cool’ rather than thinking for themselves. ... But our Angel [daimon] can only bring us up to the threshold of the Abyss. The Angel cannot enter. Re-read Grady’s bio, Vol.II, pg.121 etc.  On this note the ancient Qabalists say that we too can never, in theory, obtain Kether. The best we can do is to establish Daath whereby the ‘Gnosis’ from Kether (Knowledge) can descend downward through the path of the ‘Uniting Intelligence.’ If you really want to get a good idea of the ‘channel’ I’d suggest studying the two paths that intersect above the Abyss known as The Empress (Daleth-DOOR) and especially The High Priestess (Ghimel-CAMEL). The Camel is a vehicle which carries us across the desert, i.e. Abyss. This path is more properly called ‘The Path of Uniting Intelligence.’

8:10am Here is a great question from one of my students: “While I am reading my student materials I am also putting moE obligations and "In Quest of the HGA" first two moons suggestions into practice. I find that my dream life has become more active and psychologically intense. Feel a little like I woke up with the house flooded. Any recommendations?” ..... Answer: FANTASTIC! Your dream life should become very active but if you’re typical, it’ll be hard to make sense out of it. Consider it like sleeping in a really dark room for eight or ten hours and then, around noon, you open the curtains. The light is really blinding, although you can make out images, your focus takes awhile before you clearly make sense out of what you are seeing. On that note, write everything down as if each image is a piece of the puzzle. In time the over-all picture will make sense.

8:07am I received this question, “If I understood correctly then one's inability to follow the True Will then is simply due to poor self reflection? Psychologically the mind becomes stuck in stagnant repetition. When I asked about ‘wooing the goddess ardently in my imagination’ you seem to suggest that the key was to be Love is the law; love under will.” ..... Answer: Self reflection is a foundational broom for your Temple’s purity. Love under Will is reminder to keep things in their proper order. But I’d suggest a little less time spent on ‘wooing’ and more focusing on the first step that you need to take on Malkuth or you’re going to trip on a stone beneath your feet and fall on your face. Why is it that students are always concerned with College when they’ve yet to graduate from Elementary School? Your comments and questions always seem to imply a need to know of the ‘above’ aspects on the Tree rather than the ‘here-now’ ... FOCUS!

8:00am A student tries to clarify his thoughts by writing: "The daimon indiscriminately transmits my desires to the Aether, all my desires, and transmits the directives of the Gods to my persona. When I Will I am opening myself to specific transmissions." ..... Answer: Very good. But, knowing you, by the term ‘my desire’ it implies you’re using a form of masturbatory sex magick. Have you forgotten that sex is the quickest way to find God and the fastest way to Hell; meaning being stuck on Malkuth.  If, as you say, the daimon transmits ‘all of your desires’ then are you sure of the direction and intent throughout the day, both conscious and unconscious? ... What I’m saying is, how can someone functioning magickally below Tiphereth achieve ‘transmissions’ from the Gods without evoking the Kundry?  Let me ask you this hypothetical question.  Have you establish your inner Temple [Adytum] wherein ‘pure’ messages can be received without outside interference? How do you seek the Holy Grail?  “With a pure heart!”  The heart rules the Sun, Tiphereth! ... Always remember, the daimon plys his trade back and forth to the doorway from which he entered, i.e. to Tiphereth, and he listens to the above and guides you through your Higher Self but you cannot receive ‘transmissions’ or Gnosis from ‘above’ in an unclean vehicle. If the vehicle is not prepared properly the daimon, who swings between the two poles of good & evil has only ONE direction in which to function.  MALKUTH! Now do you understand all the warnings Crowley gives in the OTO grade papers about sex magick?  If the phone rings and it’s a Kundry, remember, she’s most likely calling ‘collect.’ 

5:40am I was presented with this question from a student. “Did this duality of good and evil always exist in the magical world?” ….. I replied, “Sadly, although the concept of duality has existed since the dawn of time it became inundated into our collective psyche during the middle ages, albeit in a twisted labyrinth of Christian choosing. It is no secret that prior to this period, spiritual exercises, practices and rituals had a more healthy relationship with the realms of the spirit world; both with good and bad spirits. Magicians could invoke spirits and daimons due to the general belief that everything that exists is part of God’s creations. The magician simply had to be ‘appeasing’ and careful when working with bad or dangerous spirits. Magicians and society, as yet, were not preoccupied with dangerous being something so extreme to be labled evil.”

5:25am I had an amusing question about the daimon and the Watchers mentioned in the two articles in CORNELIA No.1; The Magical Essence of Aleister Crowley series and In Quest of the Holy Guardian Angel series. The person asked, “Is there a ‘daimon’ connection to the Watchers? They seem similar, or am I reading too much into it?” ….. I replied, “Very good. Early Christianity, bathed in origin within Judaism, easily embraced and perverted the concepts of the daimon into an evil persona by using analogies of the doctrine behind the ancient Watchers. According to Rabbinical and Qabalistic lore the Watchers were a class of ‘messengers’, who like other spiritual entities [i.e. daimons], descended through the Sun when God first moved across the face of the deep and created the human race on our silly little world. Since these messengers never slept they were ordered to ‘watch’ over humanity - morning, noon and night - and to teach us, and guide us from afar in the form of unconscious whispers, intuitive glimpses and psychic flashes. Hence their name; “The Watchers.” Ancient Hebrew belief further stated that everyone, excluding no one, was assigned at their birth one of these Watchers who, like the daimon, would stay with them throughout their life, through all the good times and the bad. Another point of similarity in the two beliefs is that the Watchers, like the daimon, also entered into a good or bad calling. The slight difference being that instead of us choosing a good or bad incarnation from a “sample of lives” and then a daimon assisting us in fulfilling it, the Watchers themselves divided into two great armies; one termed ‘Light’ and the other ‘Darkness’ in order to tempt the innocence of mortals toward their way of life as a calling. And thus – the war in Heaven!”

Wednesday August 22nd 2007 – 11:00am If people wonder just how small our world really is then consider this. My friend Aisha sent me an email from Toyko this morning. Regardless how far she is, she obviously still keeps her ‘eyes’ on me! She writes, “93 JC. Who was the cute oriental girl you were with last night at Raleigh’s? I heard she was very, very young, short hair and scantily clad. You dog. Didn’t you have heart issues over weekend? I cant take care of you from over here, be carefull! [big smile] Love and hugs to you. 93 93/93 A.” ... I had to laugh, shake my head and think for a second and ask, "How did she find out?" Anyway, after my friend Robert left last night I took a walk and ran into Aisha’s old friend Karoi; we both went to the bar Raleigh’s for a glass of wine. Karoi must have sent Aisha an email because how else would she have known? So Aisha, YOU KNOW WHO IT WAS! [big smile back at ya] Yes, it is a small world. There are no secrets anymore especially between women with internet access and email capability!

7:50am Elton John, notorious for bejeweled spectacles, frocks and tiaras, once told Rolling Stone that he was bisexual, adding that “people should be very free with sex, but they should draw the line at goats.”   Would Crowley have agreed?

5:20am And finally; consider this that I wrote within another email reply: “Sooner or later you’ll realize that the daimon is an elemental creature that can shape-shift into whatever you want it to be. But in the realm of magick this notion of ‘want’ is a dangerous concept. It requires ‘faith’ (Sophia) as a pendant to justify personal flights of the imagination. Faith, often fueled by ego, needs followers and anyone caught up in this cycle will proselytize their beliefs in the hopes to prove that their magickal universe is not wrong. One needs only to walk into a book store and search the magick section to see one author after another banthering about their illusions as if they are real. Sadly, you cannot argue with such people because they have fallen into what magickally is called the pit of Because. In magick we learn that below the Abyss on the Qabalistic Tree of Life you can always be ‘right’ merely because the Laws of Opposite imply such to be true and false at the same time. However, above the Abyss, an Adept embraces universal Laws rather than personal proclivities. That is the only true test of magick."

5:18am In the same email I wrote, “Part of the confusion began in the first few hundred years of Christianity when philosophers tried hard to understand the old ways in regards to the emerging new religion. The daimon, like the geni, the Astral Double and other internal names for the tenuous something became merely aspects of our Soul. Greek philosophers like Lucius Apuleius (123AD-180AD), who wrote a classic work titled De deo Socratis (On the god of Socrates), has stated - “The human soul is a daimon that our language may name genius” ... further adding - “She is an immortal god, though in a certain sense she is born at the same time as the man in whom she is. Consequently, we may say that she dies in the same way that she is born.” ... In other words, the daimon is merely our Soul, not to be confused with an independent entity and thus the confussion begins within the Christian faith."

5:15am I wrote this blurb in an email:  “Modern psychology sets further hurdles by making the magician ponder whether or not their internal whispers are the divine play between God and a daimon or, as psychology would have us believe, merely an internal struggle between our life’s calling and that of our unconscious impulses and complexes. It truth, both sides are correct.”

Tuesday August 21st 2007 - 3:33pm Just got back from the copy shop; CORNELIA No.13 is now available! It is titled, some BLOGGISH SEXUAL THOUGHTS, which is an entire issue of on-line entries taken off JERRY'S MIND BLOGGLERS between April thru July 2007 with detail questions and answers on just magick and sex.

11:05am Mary’s other question asks for my “views about the Astral Double.” ..... Answer: The term Astral Double is also often referred to as our doppelganger, our Second or Phantom Self; or along with the topic of the astral plane and astral projection. Studying the theories behind the Astral Double simply gives us the impression of a modern interpretation of the Augoeides. Both claim to be exact duplicates of our body which inhabits a realm we now term the ‘astral plane.’ The major difference is that the Augoeides is said to be an independent entity which assists us in our incarnation while the Astral Double is merely part of our own internal mechanism. The word ‘astral plane’ became popularized by the Theosophical movement established by Madame Blavatsky in 1875, although she never referred to it as such. She called it the karmic plane. It was her students like Annie Besant, C. W. Leadbeater and later Alice Bailey who developed the Theosophical theories which claimed the ‘astral plane’ was the first metaphysical plane beyond the physical. Theosophical theory also elaborated upon our ‘Double’ which inhabits this plane, hence is the origins of the term – ‘Astral Double.’ However, what makes the topic regarding the nature and origin of our double complicated is that there are numerous outright differences found in the classification of human principles as now taught within different New Age or modern spiritual schools. In truth, few agree on the spiritual layers found not only within our self but the Universe. To Theosophists the Human Double is the part of our self which we use to astral travel in order to meet our spiritual teachers or spirit-guides so we can ask them for guidance and to intervene directly in our earthly lives. The technique most widely taught involves creating a specific image of your Astral Double in your mind while in a trance, induced by either meditation or hypnotism, and then while in this state you transfer your consciousness to this vehicle.  However, whether or not the image created is that of your own body, even a bird or other such animal is a preference that every individual should decide upon for themselves. The main dispute about the Astral Double has always been whether or not New Age spiritual schools are simply misunderstanding the spiritual process? In other words; is the Human Double an aspect of self or are we simply attaching our consciousness to a more contemporary if not personal image that we’ve clothed around our daimon or guardian spirit?  In truth, magicians know it’s the latter.

10:45am Mary asks, “I’ve been reading how the daimon is merely part of ourselves and is not a real creature but your Cornelias seem to imply otherwise. I am truly enjoying them but I am confused. Is it a real creature?” ..... Answer: Of course, some authors will argue that the daimon, or elemental is a non-entity; a mere psychic ‘creative-like’ shell. This accepted wisdom informs us that the imagery of Sylphs, Salamanders, Nymphs and Gnomes are nothing more than mythic stories and are not real entities. The tragedy in lowering the elemental to inanimate ‘energy’ rather than acknowledging them as actual independent entities is that we no longer ask them for assistance in regards to ‘Knowing Thyself’ and without our ‘go-between’ we loose sight of our Spirit and inevitably the Gods becomes ‘dead’ in our mind.

8:25am Mike, to answer your question; I have not been in the OTO since April 2004. How do I feel about it?  What comes to mind is the statement made by Frater Achad (C. S. Jones) in March of 1918 - “Quite recently I was impressed to resign from the O.T.O. and to withdraw my help in that direction, and having done so, I felt a wonderful calm, and a realization of entering the Tao.”  Anyway, sorry if I came across too hostile about the OTO; actually, I quite enjoyed my stay within the fraternity and I would never imply that you, or anyone, should ever quit. ‘Do what thou wilt.’ ... However, you don’t live here in the Bay Area and you should thank your lucky star for that! 

7:45am Mike 93! Thanks for your comments. I love computers, since all my diaries have been entered onto my computer since 1995; it’s easy to search for things. Although I’ve keep diaries since I was fifteen, my 1995 diary is labeled as No.1 and my present diary is No.86. Yes, I type a lot and many of my year’s diaries exceed 1000pgs!  Ouch!!! ... Anyway, I’ve been looking for a quote to answer your question and here it is. I wrote this on February 6th 2000 – “It is no secret that inevitably a person cannot hide their true colors and by their words and actions they will prove that they are no better than most of the old Bay Area Thelemic trash that they once openly criticized. I’ve learned that you can’t be friends with em’ because they’ll lie, cheat and stab you in the back the first chance they get if you don’t cater to their whims, personal needs and views. They call themselves Thelemites but they’re little more than weekend posers needing an altar to sit their fat asses on so other people can be in awe of their apparent religious convictions; then, after the Masses, they act just like Christians by not living their faith. Didn’t Anton LaVey have the same attitude about supposed religious people going to Church to pray for forgiveness for all the sins they committed during the week against their faith? Thelemites are no better. Did I call them Thelemites?  Bah! They’re merely Satanists using the name ‘Thelemite’ to hide in the world in order to confuse the Christians.” ... Yes, I still stand by this conviction. The problem with Thelema today is that there are too many damn Christians in it! 

7:20am Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer: The chicken crossed the road to receive auditing. The auditing will

reveal a need yet to cross additional roads for more auditing. The additional

auditing will reveal a need to cross even more roads for even more auditing. This

will reveal… (to be continued). - Scientologists

6:30am Health update: I'm doing really good today. I'm starting to feel my old self again. Thanks again for all the emails. I'm editing today's history heap; I'll post it in awhile. [big smile]

Monday August 20th 2007 - 10:45pm And to all those who sent emails, which I haven't posted, thanks! They brought smiles.

10:35pm Lee writes, “I just wanted to check in with you and say that I hope that you are feeling better, and please don't let stress of the ex get you upset you have many friends out there who count on you, myself being one of them. Damn it I waited three F!%#ing years to become your student and I have not even had the chance to get to California to meet you in person so please don't go anywhere yet, Ok?”

10:05pm Miguel writes, “Always seriously worried when you go silent. Your so prolfic I just know something is not going too well when you stop. I just start sending thoughts of health and well being in your direction." 

7:45pm Mike writes, "If there is anything I can do just ask. I don't live close but I can drive down for a day and help with stuff. Your blog has been a great source of learning and enjoyment. My wife & I are sending 'love' ... we'd hate to lose you."

7:40pm Carol writes, "You need hugs, wish I lived closer. REST!!!! I'll make chicken soup for you if you'd like?"

6:20pm Luna -"May you feel calm and love from all of us here at the sanctuary!"

5:30pm I want to thank everyone for the dozens of emails that I received today from around the world voicing concern for my health. They were all appreciated. Of note; Mick writes, “Relieved to hear you took a much needed rest this weekend. If you don't mind my asking, what was the medical condition that brought about the original heart attack last Fall?” To which I replied, “Blocked arteries, high blood pressure and a bitch of an ex-wife!” ... And Rey from New Mexico wrote, “I hope you are feeling better, Jerry. You just have to remember only one or two college girls at a time, my friend.  ;).” ... To which I replied, “Ya, but the college kids aren’t the problem; it’s Marlene.” ... Anyway, over the weekend she again had my blood pressure through the ceiling despite my meds, my chest pounding, it was hard to breathe and my vision got blurry. It was so bad that it was almost a run to the hospital! It was her antics last October that caused my initial heart attack. I’m really beginning to hate that woman. ... And Aisha surfaced after moving to Japan. She wrote, “93 Big guy! Your blog has me scared. You all right? I bet it had to do with your ex, no? You take care of yourself. Tokyo is OK, not what I expected but I’ll write more when I’m settled in.” ... & there were lots of others, all saying about the same thing. And, no to those who asked ... you really don’t need to know what transpired between me and Marlene which had me running for my Nitroglycerin tablets.

Saturday August 18th 2007 – 4:44am In our AA lineage we tell everyone to begin an early historical study of their family and analyze its effect on themselves during pre-puberty. This is a harsh task, bathed in honesty and devoid of pandering only to the positive aspects. Anyway, one of my fellow travelers wrote to me today: “I've been coming along with some of the family research. I've been in touch with my mother, who's been the main source of information so far.  She's done her side of the family, and while I'm not going to neglect her side forever there's more I can get from my grandmother while she's still alive. ... Both sides of the family have good amounts of information.” 

It sounds like he’s establishing a good historical foundation which is the first step in trying to understand the incarnation that he picked in order to fulfill his True Will. The ‘mundane’ must clearly be laid out before anyone can approach the next step which is to analyze both your parent’s Sun signs. Just as your own sign dictates behavior, theirs dictated how they dealt with themselves and you and of the seeds they planted. ... As much as we want to teach and guide our children we all make the mistake of thinking that what was good for ‘our sign’ must be good for another. Ah, the damages we do. Rarely do I see parents studying their children’s astrological sign in order to figure out their personality and how it fuels their behavior. You cannot change a person’s Sun Sign to conform with yours but parents try to do this all the time! ... And, often I see magicians who claim to study astrology, who’ll be quick to mention which signs are not computable with theirs but they ignore the effect that such a sign might have on them if it was carried by one of their parents.

You must take a strong look at your parent’s signs. Although I’ve written many things in my autobiography of my observations about my own parents, here is one example: “... my dad’s interests were always changing which drove mom crazy. Years later, when she and I would talk about the past, this was one of her major gripes. She was a Taurus, a fixed Earth sign and was very set in her ways while dad, also an Earth Sign, but a Capricorn, was always off and running. He was a Cardinal sign, out going, a born leader and while the cow (Taurus) was content to chew her cud in the fields, the goat (Capricorn) wanted to climb the mountains and see what was beyond. They were like ships passing in the night. He enjoyed changing with the times. She didn’t.” ... You too must look at your own parents and analyze them. As an example; as a magician, if you wanted to go out with such and such a person in the mundane world you would look at their Sun sign to see if you are computable?  Now research the same with your parents!

Then look at your own chart; here is one of the blurbs that I wrote about my own sign as an example: “Since I was born as a Cancer sign I have always needed to feel a sense of belonging that allows me to feel secure. In choosing my incarnation I could not have picked a family more opposite to these needs. Being a Cancer also meant that once I had my claws into a form of security I rarely give it up. On the most mundane level I cluster familiar objects around myself, some of which I’ve carried since the earliest days of my childhood and, without this inclination toward personal clutter, I tend to withdraw in the face of an unknown surrounding. I get very quiet, often even un-productive. I feel lost. This crab goes into his shell. Stability is so important to me, both mundane and internally. When this is achieved and in harmony, I can easily move between these two extremes. Either as a land roaming crab (extrovert) or as one that walks in the water (introvert), changing daily, like the Moon itself. However, I must be honest; my subjective world has always appealed to me far more than what the reality of an objective world could offer. I’ve always felt that wallowing in my mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

Next you ask yourself, “How did my parent’s signs affect me?” As for myself, after my parent divorced I was raised by my mother who was a cold woman, born into a very Victorian-style British family. I rarely saw my father. Let me share this blurb from my autobiography with you to show you how I looked at my sign and her Taurian behavior upon it:  “... they say that Cancerian boys are closest to their mother and often inherit the old Oedipus complex more so than other signs. But, if one’s mother distances herself from you then what baggage will a Cancer carry throughout his life? I know that I have suffered severely because the bonds of family attachment were never properly formed in my adolescence, especially from around this period. How I’ve tormented my soul, years later, wondering why this was required for my incarnation. At times I feel like this foundation was so damaging to this Cancer’s well being. That which I have lacked from childhood I have unconsciously sought throughout my life in the form of my friends, girlfriends and wives. I admit that I am very fragile in this area. However, on the one hand, I thrive for this need of camaraderie bathed by my nurturing Cancer quality to the point that I often drop my guard way too easily with the first person whom I think likes me, or is interested in what I have to say. On the other hand, I am a rock. My childhood emotionally forced me into my shell. I was never really taught how to extend love and, because of such, I rarely opened up with my deepest emotions when I find a girlfriend. My life has told me, in hindsight, that both extremes were a mistake. I didn’t learn this lesson until my late-thirties.”

Now you see but a fraction of your ‘pre-puberty’ task ahead of you. It is not a simple task, nor is it something to be taken lightly. What you are today is a direct result of the lessons you learned in childhood. Remember, one of the reasons why so many magicians fail is because they’ve never been taught that seeking your True Will is not a path in front of you but rather behind you, or where you’ve already walked.

Here is another example of something that I wrote trying to understand my ‘foundation’ ... “Years later, when I would read about the ‘birth order’ of children, I discovered that often the first and second child are driven into becoming the opposite of each other. This is so true with me and my brother. Even though we were born about a year apart and both born under the same Zodiac sign of Cancer, it only implies that the vehicle we used, although seemingly similar, inevitably became conflicting in nature. As for me, I would learn what it meant to be a second child. I never had my parents' undivided attention and I know that unconsciously I strove to overtake my brother, and dethrone his continual ‘goodness’ at doing no wrong in my parent’s eyes, which in an odd way drove me toward being ‘bad’ and later into the study of the occult. Being the second child made me a rebel. It made me act out for attention. With the birth of my sister in 1955, it squeezed me out of the family even more and, being Cancer, I often found solace by being alone. What all this basically means, although I occasionally keep in touch with my kith and kin, I don’t really get along with any of them. We have very little in common, except name.”

Yes, we learn by example and this is why I’m sharing these inner most thoughts in the hopes that my readers and student’s might understand the seriousness of this task in understanding their childhood and its affect on us that we have carried with ourselves throughout life. In other words; if we have chosen our incarnation, we needed a foundation, study why you picked it and what it could have offered that no other could given you from both a positive and negative point of view!

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