Liber
worth
Fifteen Cents
THE
REAL
GNOSTIC CATHOLIC
MASSE
of the
AMERICAN O.T.O.
INTRODUCTION
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Al vel Legis I:40
The following typed manuscript recently surfaced. We have no reason to disbelieve its authenticity. It is said to be an actual copy of the new Masse as performed in the Inner Sanctuary of Aleister Crowley's Ordo Templi Orientis. As to its origin, the woman who sent us a copy of the ritual wishes to remain anonymous. It was originally presumed to have been written by Frater Achad Osher 583 but he is in total denial of this fact and was very, very angry when approached with this assumption. He loudly protested saying, "You know that I want nothing to do with Mass. Why in Hell would I be involved in rewriting it?" We agree that he is not author. It's not in his style. Nor do we feel he is capable of such a creative flair when it comes to writing Magical Rituals in general. This ritual obviously shows true genius, real creativity and a complex inner knowledge of the Gnosis. In the letter from the woman in New York who sent us this manuscript, she asked, "Are you aware of this ritual? I got it from a friend who lives in San Anselmo who distributed it across America On Line. It's said to be the real Masse. What do you think?" To this we say yes. We were already aware of it and upon comparing it to the actual typed manuscript in our archives we can only say, your copy is authentic.
Love is the law, love under will.
Al vel Legis I:57Editor ------------------------------------------------------------
I
Of the Furniture in your Parlor
In the East, that is, in the direction of Boleskine, which is situated on the south eastern shore of Loch Ness in Scotland, two miles east of Foyers, is a shrine that we'll call the High Altar. This does not reflect that the Altar uses drugs but rather refers to the proclivities of the fat ass PRIESTESS who sits there. As to why it even matters anymore to face your altar in this direction is plain stupid, especially since the OTO doesn't own Boleskine and it's now a hotel. It is suggested that you face your altar toward the nearest hotel in your area where you choose your working-girl Priestess, or toward People's Park. Its dimensions should be 7 feet in length, 3 feet in breadth, 44 inches in height, unless the room that you're using is a small parlor, then any table or milk crates and a board will be suitable. However, it should be covered with a crimson altar cloth to hide your shabby altar, and on the cloth may be embroidered fleur de lys in gold, or a sunblaze, or other suitable emblem to make it look pretty.
On each side of it should be a pillar or obelisk, with countercharges in black and white. Painted linoleum tubes will do, or disregard this symbolism if you're incapable of fulfilling it.
Below it should be the dais of three steps, in black and white squares. Not required in parlor Temples.
Above it is the super altar, at whose top is the Stele of Reveling in reproduction, with four used candles on each side of it. Preferably all the same color. Below the stele is a place for the Phone Book, with six used candles on each side placed in muffin pans. Below this again is the Holy Pail or cup bought at the flea market. It would be nice if it had roses on each side but as long as it holds wine and doesn't leak, it's ok. There is room in front of the Cup for a Holy Brass Ashtray also bought at the flea market, or from the kitchen. On each side beyond the roses are two great big used candles.
All this is enclosed within a great veil to hide all the imperfections and allow the Priestess to drink, or smoke pot before the Mass without worry of sharing it with the congregation.
Forming the apex of an equilateral triangle whose base is a line drawn between the pillars, is a small black square altar, of two superimposed cubes. Any small table will do.
Taking this altar as the middle of the base of a similar and equal triangle, at the apex of this second triangle is a small circular font, which is another square table that has a bowl which was found in the kitchen, or bought at the flea market. Don't be too cheesy when purchasing the bowl, after all, it will hold your Holy Water from the kitchen sink.
Repeating, the apex of a third triangle is an upright tomb, or place where we'll attempt to hide the Priest.
II
Of the Actors in the Play
The PRIEST. Bears the Sacred Stick made of something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue, and he is clothed at first in a plain white robe. Some prefer being naked, making an excuse that it's symbolically correct rather than the fact that they're too cheap to purchase a robe, or that they are exhibitionists. Some believe it's up to the Priest rather than the script which Crowley wrote. Still others prefer a Batman costume.
The PRIESTESS. Should be actually Virago Insupportable or specially dedicated to the service of the local Community above the Great Order. She is clothed in white, blue and gold, or as Cat Woman. She bears the old, rusty sword and the Brass Ashtray along with the Hosts, or Cakes of Light made in a fashion not to resemble anything requested by the official Gnostic Church.
The DEACON. He is clothed in white and yellow, or as Robin. He bears a used copy of the local Phone Book.
Two Children. They are clothed in white and black. One bears a pitcher of tap water and a cellar of iodized salt, the other a censer of fire and a casket of Chanel No. 5 to sprinkle on the congregation of unbathed who come for the wine.
III
Of the Ceremony of the Flaming Trots
The DEACON, opening the front door, admits whoever is knocking, who is in need of trotting to the bathroom quickly. He then takes his stand between the small altar and the font, directing traffic. (There should be someone to attend to fleecing the audience. This can be ignored by those Lodges where the congregation gives change only.)The DEACON usually advances and is tipsy before the open shrine as he reaches for the wine glass, which is exalted. He kisses the used copy of Phone Book a bunch of times, opens it, and places it upon the back altar. He turns around without falling over. The DEACON. Mumbles. Do whatever we want shall be the whole of our Law. I proclaim the Law of Bud Lite, Your Wife, My Libido and No Liabilities all in the hopes that we don't get caught!
The CONGREGATION. Sex is what we want, sex after the Mass!
The DEACON goes to his place between the altar of incense and the font, faces
East, and gives the step and sign of a Little Boy in need of a Big Brother.
All imitate him.
The DEACON and all the PEOPLE. I would like to believe in the secret and inebriated HORDES; and in one Star in the company of Hollywood of whose films we watch on the big screen, and to which we shall rent as a video; and in one Father of Blithe, Misery of Miseries, in His name as Bay Area Lodge Master, the vichyssoise from the Kitchen; and in his Marijuana the nourisher of all that breathes it.
And I like to think of one Earth, the Mother of us all, and in one Back Yard wherein all men are begonias, and wherein they shall be watered, Mystery of Mystery, in Her name YO BABE.
And I wonder about Cecil the Sea Serpent and the Little Boy, Mystery of Mystery, in his name BEANIE.
And I am not sure of my own Gnassal and Catheretic Church of Red Lights, Infatuation and Liquor, the Word of whose Law is YO BABY NICE TITS.
But I do believe in Communion as written by Whitley Strieber.
And, forasmuch as McDonald's and Coca Cola are transmuted in us daily into waste products, I believe in the Miracle of its Mass.
And I confess in one Baptism under Fire whereby we accomplish the Miracle of avoiding Incarceration.
But I'll confess to the police if caught, and I'll rat out individuals, pointing the finger at was, and is, and who is to come with the drugs.
AUGHT, AUGHT, AUGHT ... I'm choking on something!!!!
Music is now played by someone beating a tom-tom while the child carries
the ewer and the iodized salt. The VIRAGO enters with the rusty Sword and
the Brass Ashtray. The child enters with the censer and Chanel No. 5. They
face the DEACON, deploying into line, from the space between the two
altars, and assist the Deacon from choking to death. This is good.
The VIRAGO. Hello, Hello from Earth and Heaven!
All give the hailing sign for a Taxi, the DEACON leading and collects fares.
The PRIESTESS, the negative child on her left, the positive child on her
right, ascends the steps High toward the Altar. They await her bellow. She
places the Brass Ashtray before the Wine Glass. Having adored it because
it's filled with Chianti, she descends, and with the children following her,
the positive next her, she'll then attempt to move in a serpentine manner
involving 3½ circles of the Temple without falling down or tripping over the
congregation. (skipping Deosil about altar, walking widdershins about font,
backwards deosil about altar and font, and finally with eyes closed,
widdershins about altar, and so to the Tomb in the west.)
The PRIESTESS. Come out, come out wherever you are!
She draws her sword and pulls down the Veil therewith exposing a naked
priest. Congregation gasps.
The PRIESTESS. By the power that say's I'll never use an Iron, I say unto thee, Alright, give me wash an' wear! In the name of our Laundromat owned by Sam, and of our Landlord who has promised to us a machine ... that thou mayest administer the virtues of clean clothes to the Unwashed, you O Naked One!
She sheathes the Sword.
The PRIEST, issuing from the Tomb, holding his stick erect with both hands,
right over left, against his breast because he's drunk, takes the first
three regular steps as taught by the police in a sobriety test. He then gives
the stick to the PRIESTESS and gives the three penis signs taught while in
the shower at jail. He then falls to his knees and worships the stick with
both hands. Penitentiary music.
The PRIEST. I am a man among men, so they told me with soap on the shower floor while I was in jail.
He takes again the stick, or Lance, and lowers it. He rises.
The PRIEST. How should I be worthy to administer the virtues to the Brethren who have no soap?
The PRIESTESS takes from the child the tap water and the iodized salt,
and mixes them in the wash bowl.
The PRIESTESS. Let the iodized salt from the corner store admonish the Tap Water to bear the virtue of the Local Reservoir. (brushes off the flecks from her shoulders).
Mother, am I adopted?
She returns to the West, slaps the PRIEST with open hand, doth the same
on his forehead, breast and body.
Be the PRIEST sober of body and soul! The PRIESTESS takes the censer from the child, and places it on the small
altar. She puts Chanel No. 5 therein.
Let the Fire and the Air make sweet the world! (she brushes off more flecks from shoulder) Father, am I adopted? She returns West, and sprays Chanel No. 5 from the censer before the
PRIEST, thrice as before.
Be the PRIEST'S scent pleasant for my body and soul! (The children resume their weapons as they are done with.)
The DEACON now takes the torn Red Robe from the Big Altar and brings
it to her. She robes the PRIEST in his tattered Robe of scarlet, beer stains
and pot burns, but at least it hides his naked body.
Be thee a flame on Castro Street with thine ambiance, O thou PRIEST with cute Buns! The DEACON brings the Hat from the High Altar. (The Hat may be of gold
or platinum, or of electrum magicum; but with no other metals, save the
small proportions necessary to a proper alloy. It may be adorned with
divers jewels; at will. But it must have the Uraeus serpent twined about it,
and the cap of maintenance must match the scarlet of the robe. Its texture
should be velvet, all this in the shape of a Cowboy Hat.)
Be the Serpent on the Cowboy Hat thy crown, O thou PRIEST of the WILD WEST! Kneeling she takes the PRIEST'S Penis between her open hands, and runs
them up and down upon the shaft eleven times, very gently.
Give me an erection so everybody can see it! All give the Hailing Sign of the Taxi again.
The PEOPLE: It's so tiny!
IV
Of the Ceremony of the Cloth
thrown into the Corner
The PRIEST. Thee therefore whom the Congregation has come here to look at naked. By the power of my tiny little lifted Lance!
He raises the stick. All repeat The Ogling Sign.
A phrase of Triumph, or Harley music.
The PRIEST wearing cowboy hat, takes the PRIESTESS by her right hand
over his left and does brief square dance, keeping the Lance raised.
I, PRIEST of BURGER KING, will take thee there later, Virgin pure whom I'll spot for money: I will pay for thee; but for now I lead thee to the East; I ask thee to place thy butt upon the summit of the Earth. He asks the PRIESTESS to climb upon the makeshift altar.
The DEACON and the children follow, they are rank, forgetting to use
Chanel No. 5. The PRIESTESS takes the Phone Book, resumes her seat,
and holds it open on her breast with her two hands, making the Gang-Sign
of The Community with thumbs and forefingers.
The PRIEST gives his little stick to the DEACON to hold; and takes the
soap and water from the child, and sprinkles the PRIESTESS, soaps her
forehead, shoulders, and thighs. The thumb of the PRIEST is always
between his index and medius, whenever he is not holding the soap. The
PRIEST takes the Chanel No. 5 from the child, and douses the BITCH, I
mean PRIESTESS as before.
The children replace their cleaning implements on their respective altars.
The PRIEST kisses the Phone Book three times. He kneels for a space while
reading through the Yellow Pages looking for the phone number for
DOMINO'S PIZZA, with joined hands, knuckles closed, thumb in position
as aforesaid. He rises and draws the veil over the whole altar to hide the
Priestess who is in need of drink and again who doesn't want to share. All
rise and stand to order, three large mushroom & pepperoni pizzas. The
PRIEST takes the money from the DEACON and holds it, as Pizza Buyer
since he'll make the phone call later. He staggers around the Temple three
times, followed by the DEACON and the children as before to catch him in
case he falls. (These, when not using their hands to steady the PRIEST,
keep their arms crossed upon their breasts.) When he at last slows down
they leave him and go to the place between the font and the small altar,
where they kneel to keep out of the way, their hands thumbs in ears, fingers
raised above their heads.
All imitate the Bullwinkle motion.
The PRIEST returns to the East and mounts the blonde by the first step of
the Altar. She slaps him.
The PRIEST. Oh I'm sorry, like my Father who's younger brother, marvels beyond imagination, sole of fillet, before the Pizza arrives, I am ashamed of myself. I am drunk, bewildered and completely in the dark. I thought you wanted me, but not unto Thee may we attain, unless it be after the Mass and then thine burning bush be ready for Love. Therefore by seeds and root and stem and bud and leaf and flower and bark and limb and fruit do we invoke Thy Bush.
Then the priest answered and said unto the Queen who has Space between her Ears, kissing her lovely furry brow, as the sweat of her body bathed his whole body as it cried out for Chanel No. 5: O you Nymph, convenient one of our Lodge, let it be ever thus; that men speak not of Thee as Difficult but as Easy; and let them speak not of thee at all, since thou wants her name hidden!
During this speech the PRIESTESS takes off her tattered robe, revealing
what the congregation has come to see. (See CCXX II:22.)
The PRIESTESS. But to have sex with me after the Mass is better than all things: if under the back stairs in our yard thou presently drop $20 before me, invoking me with a pure heart, and the Serpent flame therein, thou shalt come a little to lie on top of me. For one kiss wilt thou then be willing to give all; but while using one particle of stupidity shall thou lose all in that hour as ye are mugged by the man hidden in the shadows. Then with all your money we shall gather goods from the store of WalMart and Sears; ye shall wear rags rather that rich jewels; ye shall exceed the nations of the earth in stupidity as a pushover; but still you want to have sex with me, and so shall ye come back for more. I charge you earnestly to come before me with more money, and covered by MasterCard. Therefore I could love you! Or I could learn to like you at least! Even though I'm a bit pale and purple, fat or voluminous, I who am all pleasure and plump, often in drunkenness from too much booze, desire you. Put on that Cowboy suit, and arouse the coiled doggy within you: come unto me! To me! To me! Sing those rapturous camp fire tunes unto me! Bring to me perfumes! Bring me jewels! Bring lots of drink for me, then I'll love you! I'll try to love you! Burp! I am the illegitimate daughter of a woman who works on Sunset Strip; Burp! I could be naked under the brilliance of the night sign of the Hotel down the block if you'd like. If you want me! If you want me me!
The PRIEST, ignoring the PRIESTESS, mounts the girl with long black
hair by the second step. She slaps him.
The PRIEST. O I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I fell on Thee by accident like I did earlier on the blonde. Thou art hidden in the darkness and were being quiet. God you're cute, I could really get into adoring you, but not Thee do I adore, for that which adoreth is also Thou. Thou art that, and That am I. If I'm not making sense, sorry, I think I'm still a little bit drunk.
I have this flame which burns in my heart, and in the core of my stomach. I think it's an ulcer. I think it's because I drink alot and because of such I can't give you much, therefore is the knowledge of me the knowledge of cheapness. I am often alone: there isn't much money where I am. My stomach hurts.
(The DEACON and all the PEOPLE rise to their feet with Hailing the Taxi Sign.)
The DEACON. Yo, o my people, who have fallen asleep, awake! Let the parties be rightly performed with pretzels and Budweiser!
There would have been rituals this evening if we had bought the six-packs in time, but we forgot. Still there is,
A six-pack for the first night of our Neighbor and his new Bride!
A six-pack for the three days of the writing of the Phone Book.
A six-pack for little William, the child of the Milkman - secret, O Milkman!
A six-pack for the Supremes, and a six-pack for Elvis who art God.
A hamburger for fire and a six-pack not water; a feast if I jump your wife and a greater feast for meth!
A six-pack every day from the store for the joy of my rapture!
A six-pack every night unto myself, and the pleasure of uttermost drunkenness!
(The PRIEST mounts the third step and falls on this cute guy whom he slaps.)
The PRIEST. Thou art not like the other Ones I fell on, you are a guy in girl's clothing, the Son of our Landlord in our midst whose name is Peter, it's a Mystery of Mystery, uttermost being whose radiance and sweat dress enlightens my world, who is also the breath that maketh this Guy swoon and dare to tremble before thee by the Sign of it's OK $ can I appear glorious upon thy bone, oh my Son?
So spread open the legs of creation and of intelligence between us and our minds. Enlighten me with thy understanding.
Encourage my heart. Let thy light crystallize itself in our blood, fulfilling us with an Erection.
A ka dabba dubee
Tuf ur burp
Box of'a cheerios
Dudu ugmh arf arf nuteru!
The PRIESTESS. Oh silly PRIEST, don't speak with thy mouth full. There is no law unless the Berkeley Police gets drift of this orgy of sex, drugs and booze!
(The PRIEST wipes mouth with veil then parts it with his little stick.)
(During the previous speeches the Priestess has, if necessary, as in savage countries
like Riverside County, resumed her robe.)
The PRIEST: IO IO IO - EI EI O!, OLD MACDONALD RUNS THE LODGE. LORD ABRASIVENESS LORD MISTRUSTFUL LORD LIMP PENIS! WITH AN EIO PAN PIZZA HERE! AND EIO PIZZA THERE! HERE AN EIO PAN PIZZA! THERE AN EIO PAN PIZZA! EVERYWHERE AN EI EI O PAN PIZZA. IO PIZZA, IO PIZZA, HAIL & ALL DEVOURER THEE, HAIL TO THE PIZZA BOY ALL BEGETTER, HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, - EI EI O!
The PRIESTESS is seated with the Brass Ashtray in her right hand and
balances a full Glass of Beer in her left. The PRIEST presents the stick
which she kisses a bunch of times. She then holds it in her teeth since her
hands are full, while the PRIEST, taking the opportunity to fall at her
knees, kisses them, his arms stretched along her thighs making mumbling
sounds as if eating. He remains in this adoration while the Deacon intones
what he needs to collect for the pizza. All stand to order more pizza if
necessary, with the Dieu Garde topping, to order: feet square, hands clean,
with linked index fingers, tip to tip, thumb extended upward. This is the
universal position when standing, unless other direction is given.
V
Of the Orifices in the
Colon which are Eleven in Number
(DA SON)
The DEACON. Lord viable and senile of whom this hunk of mud is but a frozen spittle turning about thee with annual and diuretic motion, source of urine, source of life, let thy perplexing run to the bathroom hearten us to continual labour and enjoyment; so that as we are constant partakers of thy bounty we may in our particular orbit give out Bud Lite and recycle thy sustenance and joy to them that revolve about us without diminution of substance or having them be aware of what it is, for ever.
The PEOPLE. What the Hell are you talking about?
(DA LORD)
The DEACON. Lord senile and most moldy, source of blight, source of Bud Lite, source of infatuation, source of libertinism, be thou ever constipated and mighty within us, with the force of energy, the fire of motion brought on by chili peppers; with diligence let us ever labour with thee to relieve thee, that we may remain in thine abundant joy.
The PEOPLE. We still don't understand you!
(DA MOON)
The DEACON. Lady of evening, that turning ever about us art now visible and now invisible under the hotel lights, be thou favourable to hunters, and lovers, and to all men that toil to get up $20, and to all marines who come to see.
The PEOPLE. We don't have $20.00!
(DA LADY)
The DEACON. Giver and receiver of sexual favours, gate of blight and mildew, be thou ever ready, thou and thine handmaiden, with thine orifice ridden with glanders.
The PEOPLE. Will she take change?
(DA SAINTS)
The DEACON. Lord of Blight and Mildew, that art mighty on surfaces, that art the essence of every true grunge that is upon the surface of our bathroom sink, continuing of knowledge from generation unto generation, thou grunge adorns us upon heaths and in woods, on mountains and in caves, openly in the market places and secretly in the chambers of our houses, I wish we had temples of gold and ivory and marble as in those other temples of real occult bodies, we worthily commemorate them worthy that did of old adore thee and manifest thy grunge unto men, (At each name the DEACON signs $ with thumb between index and medius. At a real mass it is only necessary to commemorate those whose names are italicized, with wording as is shown.) La Guardia and Sid Vicious and Kubrick and Elizabeth Taylor, Charlton Heston, Disney, Casius Clay and To Mega Therion, with these also, hermit crabs, platypi, penguins, ostriches, and actors of Melrose Place, Ken and Barbie and Madonna, Moeacles, Curlepheus and Larrysseus; with veggies, ketchup, mayo, rye, sourdough and many an wholly wheat bread; Apollonius Tyrannosaurs, Sy Sperling, Mayonnaise, Pia Zadora, basketball, volleyball, baseball and hockey, that transmitted the light of the Gnosis to us their successors and their heirs; with marlin, anchovies, karp, porpoise, and many another fish, that the prophet, priest and king ate using the fork, cup, the knife and dish, against the Heathen game warden's wishes, and these also, Carolus Burnett and her Mamma's Family, with William of Shatner, DeForrest of Kelly, Roger Rabbit, Jacobus Billundus Heidricksis the Martyr, Christian Slater, Loren Hutton, Ten degree Celsius, Michael Meyers, Victor Borgia pianist, Jug of beer, slab of bacon, Amado, Roberta Flack, John Deere, Mrs Grace Kelly, Robert Vaughan, Elias has an assmole, Montauk, Johnny Weissmuller, wolf's bane and garlic, libidinous sex parties, Robert Wagner, Alfonso Louie Capone, Friedrick's of Hollywood, Peter Jennings, Helen Keller, far long over due, Gracie Allen says goodnight, Paul Simon, Sir Richard Burton, Docteur de Encyclopedias, Salman Rushdie, and Sir Bob Crowley; Albert Germer and Georgio McMurtry Oh Sons of the Cheetah and the Garter Snake! With all thy saints we worthily commemorate them worthy that were and are and maybe someday might cum.
May their Cologne be here present, potent, puissant, and paternal to perfect this Pig Dinner!
The PEOPLE. Who the hell is Johnny Weissmuller?
(DA EARTH)
The DEACON. Mother of fertilizer on whose breast lieth the congregation after the Masse, whose butt, or cheek is caressed by all our air-heads, and in whose fart stings like the sun's fire, womb of everyone's semen, recurring bad dreams of the seasons, answer favourably the prayer of false labour, and to pastors and husbandmen let us pray she's not pregnant!
The PEOPLE. It's not my baby!!!
(JNR HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL)
The DEACON. Mysterious Enema, trilateral, mysterious Waste Matter, in fourfold and sevenfold division; the interplay of which things weave the dance of the Veil on my Toilet Paper from the Face of the Ass, let there be harmonicas and bongos in your mystic living room, that in us may be hash and weed and speed and divine pleasure according to the Law of Supply and Demand; let each pursue his Wants as a strong smelling man that rejoiceth in his own way, as of course the Star does when he blazeth for ever among the joyous company of Hollywood.
The PEOPLE. If you say so!
(DA BIRTH)
The DEACON. Be the hour austere, and the gate of your wife open to show its piece and its smelly being, so that she that beareth children may rejoice, and the babe is caught with both hands before it hits the floor.
The PEOPLE. It's still not my baby!!!!!
(DA MARRIAGE)
The DEACON. Upon all this day that unite with lust on top of the priestess let fall success; may the intensity and dexterity of your two fingers unite to bring forth the drug Ecstasy, and beauty answer beauty, even if she's a dog!
The PEOPLE. Now yer talking!
(DA DEATH)
All stand, penis now erect, Eyes open, big smile.
The DEACON. Term of Ecstasy that liveth, whose name is inorganic, be a favourable trip unto us in thine hour.
The PEOPLE. Me first!
(DA END)
The DEACON. Unto them from whose eyes the veil of blight hath fallen may there be granted the accomplishment of their true Wants; whether they will be absorbed in the Ecstasy, or to be united with their chosen and preferred audience member, or to be in contemplation with their own member, or to hunt for another piece, or to achieve the labour of heroin that gets you incarceration on this planet or another, as any Star in Hollywood will attest, or aught else, unto them may there be granted the accomplishment of their Wants; yea, the accomplishment of their Give me Give me's.
AUGHT, AUGHT, AUGHT, GET ME WATER
I'M CHOKING TO DEATH!
The PEOPLE. So mote it be.
All jump on the person next to you.
The DEACON and the children attend to the PRIEST and PRIESTESS,
ready to hold any appropriate part of their body as may be necessary.
VI
Of the Constipation of the Elements.
(The PRIEST makes five $. Three on the Brass Ashtray and the flea market
chalice, or cup; one on dish alone; another one on cup alone and the final
one on his forehead.)
The PRIEST. Life of man found in Safeway, fruit of someone's labour, sustenance of the space-ship Endeavour, thus be thou nourishment from the Special at the store!
(He touches the Oreo with his tiny stick.)
By the virtue of Nabisco!Be this cookie the Body of its Maker! (He takes the Oreo.)
TO TO ÆESTI TO SOMA MO. (This Oreo becomes waste matter later.) (He kneels, adores, rises & jumps, spins on one foot and holds the Oreo
between two fingers, thumb & pointer while left hand rubs the top of his
head all while showing Oreo to the PEOPLE, turns and falls face first on
floor, arms outstretched, replaces Oreo and adores some more. Music by
The Grateful Dead. He takes the glass with chip as bought at the flea
market.)
A used vehicle is the car of Man upon Earth, solace of labour to get it running, inspiration of Endeavour as it passes overhead, thus we take Ecstasy from Spirit who took our money! (He touches the cup with the stick.)
By the virtue of my little stick!Be this Chianti the Blood of Lam! (He takes the Cup)
TO TO ÆESTI TO POTHRION TO AIMATOS MO. (This cup I bought for two dollars and seventy five cents.) He kneels, adores, rises, turns, with big smile, he shows his prized glass
cup to the people but makes sure nobody drinks, turns, replaces the
cup and adores. Country Western Music.
For this is the Convenience of Restoration. He makes the five $ on the PRIESTESS. (implying $5 & she's yours)
Do you like, O LORD, this sacramental flea market Chalice of life and joy, true warrants of the Convenience of Restoration? The PRIEST offers his little stick to the PRIESTESS, who laughs at it, but
still makes an effort to kiss it; he then tries to touch her between the breasts
and upon the body, but she slaps him. He then flings out his arms upward
as if complaining to the whole shrine.
Let my requests to fondle her naked breasts be born upon the waves to our Landlord, her Father, whose Son travelleth over the local bridge using his name, William. Salivating, he closes his hands, places a big wet one on the PRIESTESS
between her breasts and makes three great $ over the Brass Ashtray, the
cup and Himself. Implying for $3.00 it's all yours. He then strikes his breast
like Tarzan and gives the Weissmuller cry. All repeat this action.
Listen to me, saints of my own church of old time now essentially present cause I say so, that of ye we claim heirship, with ye we claim communion as taught by Whitley Strieber, from ye we claim benediction in the name of all Aliens. He makes three $ on Brass Ashtray and cup together. He uncovers the cup
which starts to flake, takes the cup in his left hand, drinks the wine and fills
it with milk. He takes the Oreos in his right. With the Oreo he makes the
five $ on the cup.
$4
$1 $5
$3 $2
He elevates the Oreo and the cup of milk.
The Dinner Bell strikes.
AGIOS, AGIOS, AGIOS, IAW! (Oreos, Oreos, Oreos and Milk!) He replaces the Oreo and the cup of milk and wishes they were his.
VII
Of any Orifice between Me And Them.
The PRIEST. Thou who tries to irritate me, behind my back,Who has gall, and wants my name,Who art, when everyone else is gone,Thou, centre and secret, the Landlord's Daughter,Thou, who hides the beer, so it's not knownAnd unknown, Thou who has a loft, lives alone,Thou, the true liar who likes Lou Reed,Brooding and breeding, source of good weedOf strife, sex, libido and Bud Lite,Thou who can't talk, drunk without sight,Thee I phone, my faint mess of odorous fireKindling my nostrils which try to aspire,Thee I phone, oh wanted one,Thee, centre and secret of the Landlord's Daughter,And of that most mouldy apathyOf which the car, or vehicle I use is mine.My lawyer will appear, most awful and riledAs it's unlawful to claim he's my child!The CHORUS: But he is the Father of her SonWho as a cross-dresser is the norm;Male female, quintessential, one,Man being veiled in woman form.Glory and worship wearing heels of the highest,Thou transvestite of mankind whom he defilest,Being that race, whose hose hasn't run,To spring from the mob chasing him in the storm.So it's ok, I'll worship to Thee,You sap and an ass, who blunder's free!First Semiconscious, MEN:Glory to he who is snoring in the Gilded Tomb.Second Semiconscious, WOMEN:Stupidity to thee who rented it as a Bed Room!MEN:Glory to Thee of earth's unemployed!WOMEN: Glory to Thee you scum bag with 'roids!MEN: Glory to Thee, true Torpidity Of the Eternal Apathy WOMEN: Glory to Thee, thou pork and ham And Self of I-wanna-be if I can!MEN: Ya! In your face nine months to term,You got my sperm and all its germs!WOMEN: Stick to the script you eternal Bum,Or I'll call Nine One One, Thou Nine One One!CHORUS: Glory and worship unto all of us and Thee,We're saps, asses who enjoy blundering free! These words are to form the substance of all American hymns; and the
whole or any part thereof shall be set to Country Western music, which may
be as elaborate as art can devise with square dancing, or tap. But even
should other hymns of gladness be authorized by the God-Father of the
Church, this shall hold its place as the first of its kind, and the Father says
thank god.
VIII
Of the Mystic Marriage
and Eating of the Oreo.
The PRIEST takes the Oreo between the index and medius of
the right hand, attempts to dip cookie in milk.
The PRIESTESS clasps her left hand over the Cup held in her right hand,
to deny him access.
The PRIEST. I am getting bored so bless this food from Nabisco unto our bodies, bestowing upon us coupons and prizes and strength and joy and a piece, and that fulfillment of my wants and of sex under the blanket that is my perpetual happiness.
He makes $ with Oreo and kisses it. He uncovers the Cup of milk, spins
around twice, one leg extended, rises. Russian Music. He takes the Oreo or
Host, and breaks it open over the Cup. Licks the cream out of the middle.
He replaces the right hand portion on the Brass Ashtray. He breaks off a
particle of the left hand portion.
TO TO ÆESTI TO SPERMA MO. O PATHR ÆESTIN O IOS DIA TO PNE MA AGION. AUMGN. AUMGN. AUMGN. (To taste the cream, O delicious cookie. Oreo. Oreo. Oreo.) He gives the Oreo to the PRIESTESS who extends it with her left hand to
receive the blessing. The PRIEST clasps the Cup of milk in his left hand.
Together they depress the Oreo in the Milk.
The PRIEST and the PRIESTESS. HRILIU (meaning, "Oh, Shit! the Oreo got too soggy & fell in the cup!)
The PRIEST takes the little stick. The PRIESTESS covers the Cup.
The PRIEST skips around like a fool, bows, closes hands. He strikes his
breast like Tarzan.
The PRIEST. Or eh oh, ungow wah! You Lion and slithering Boa Constrictor that destroyed the bag of Oreos behind my back. You are mighty among us.
O Lisa the Lion from Born Free and O Snake who was in the Tarzan movies, you could be cool if we watch the videos on LSD.
O Stuffed Lion and O Stuffed Snake that we bought at the flea market, we are mighty among ourselves, legends in our own mind!
The PRIEST fondles the breast of the PRIESTESS, and takes back his little,
tiny stick. He turns to the people, wags his stick around like Glenda the
Good Witch, and makes $ upon them all.
Do what ever we'd like is the only law we'll follow.
The PEOPLE. Sex is our want, sex without condoms.
He lowers the little stick, and turns to East. The PRIESTESS takes the stick
in her right hand, with her left hand she offers to him the Brass Ashtray
with uncovered Oreos. The PRIEST falls to his knees salivating, eyes
bulging out.
The PRIEST. Yum. Yum. In my mouth be this Oreo of Life from the Nabisco company.
He takes the Oreo with the right hand, makes $ with it on the Brass
Ashtray, and then gobbles it down, trying not to make crumbs.
Silence. His mouth is too full.
The PRIESTESS takes, uncovers, and offers the glass of milk, as before.
The PRIEST. Im ma mouff be wis milk uf ta joy uf washing down da Oreo.
He takes the Cup, makes $ on the PRIESTESS, gulps it down, burps,
returns it. Looks relieved.
Silence.
He gets up, takes his stick and turns to the people. Waves the stick around
in a circle above his head. Big smile.
The PRIEST. There is no part of me that contains the gnosis!
Those in the audience who intend to get free cookies and milk are present,
and none other should be here except the token idiot who breaks Oreo in
half, throwing it to the floor 'Mortified' because the Priestess wouldn't let
him fondle her. Everyone else having signified their intention, a whole Oreo
and a whole cup of milk have been prepared for each one. The DEACON
motions them to advance one by one to the makeshift altar. The children
take the clean water and Chanel No. 5 and offers them to the smelly and
dirty. The PEOPLE communicate as did the PRIEST, uttering the same
words in a sacred posture of Resuscitation from a Drug Overdose;
"There is no part of him that contains the gnosis." The exceptions to this part of the ridiculous ceremony are when it is of the
nature of the celebration, in which case none but the Priest communicate
because no one else showed up for the Masse; or part of the ceremony is a
miscarriage, or when none other, save the two to have sex later, partake;
part of the ceremony of baptism under fire where only the child who
escaped the police partakes, and of course the Confirmation at puberty
when sex if finally considered ok by Lodge members, but this Sacrilege may
be reserved for the PRIEST, for administration of his sickness behind
closed doors at the lodge.
The PRIEST picks up the veil from the floor and ties it to ceiling hooks.
Priestess is now hidden behind the veil. With the little stick the Priest turns
and makes $ on the people lots of times, thus.
The PRIEST. $ The Community Hordes of Travesty bless you.
$ We Hordes can't enlighten your minds nor comfort your hearts, but they want to have sex with your body.
$ We Hordes bring you to the accomplishment of our Wants, our Petty Work, the Supter Boner, We have no Wisdom and are far from Perfect, and we'll take your Money away with glee.
The PEOPLE. Clap loudly and cheer.
Priest then slowly goes to his room, the DEACON and children following,
into the tomb of the West. Since it's so tiny everyone will have to crunch in
tightly. Hopefully they bathed.
Drumming music. (Voluntary.) If there is a Full Moon some women may
want to take their tops off and dance around in front of an open window so
the local crack dealers can watch.
~ THE END ~
NOTE: The PRIESTESS and other officers never partake of the Oreos, to save money, unless they get part of such from the PRIEST himself.
NOTE: Certain secret formulas, or phrases of this Masse are taught to anyone who asks to be the Priest for the next Masse. Phrases like, "Hey little girl, would you like to see my pony?" and other great pick up lines.
- end -
NOTE:
1. This was first released in January 1996 as a taped binding, 8 ½ x 11, clear plastic cover, limited ‘Numbered &
Signed Edition’ by the author, J.Edward Cornelius (Frater Achad Osher 583) to local OTO initiates.2. It was re-released as a Pangenetor Lodge Publication, ‘Parody No.4’, 5 ½ x 8 pamphlet, orange cover,
September 7th, 1996EV Anno V iii3. It later appeared in RED FLAME No.6 The Foolish Issue (1999).
Click HERE to view some random elucidations to Liber worth Fifteen Cents which might help someone outside the United States to understand a few of the Truths contained therein.
(c) Cornelius 1996/2008ev
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