SHIT HAPPENS
TAOISM 
Shit Happens.
Shit Happens.CATHOLICISM If shit happened, you deserved it.
If shit happened, you deserved it.CONFUCIANISM Confucius says, “Shit Happens.”
Confucius says, “Shit Happens.”BUDDISM If shit happens, it really isn’t shit.
If shit happens, it really isn’t shit.ZEN What is the sound of shit happening?
What is the sound of shit happening?HINDUISM This shit happened before.
This shit happened before.ISLAMIf shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.SHI’ITE ISLAM WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIT!
WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIT!PROTESTANISM Let shit happen to someone else.
Let shit happen to someone else.JUDAISM Why does shit always happen to me?
Why does shit always happen to me?SATANISM If shit happened, you deserved it.
If shit happened, you deserved it.AGNOSTICISM Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. THELEMA If it is my Will, shit happens.
If it is my Will, shit happens.WICCA If shit happens, its ok, we were naked anyways.
If shit happens, its ok, we were naked anyways.UFO CHURCHES They visited, its a message, worship the shit!
They visited, its a message, worship the shit!OTO I am the shit, therefore, shit happens
I am the shit, therefore, shit happens and if you don’t believe me, I’ll sue you!GNOSTIC CATHOLIC CHURCH There is no part of me, including shit,
that is not of the GodsTELEVANGELISTS Send money or Shit will happen.
Send money or Shit will happen.TOLTEC Stalk shit, dream shit, and make shit happen to
Stalk shit, dream shit, and make shit happen to increase personal power.NATIVE AMERICAN let's make shit rain.
let's make shit rain.HARE KRISHNA Shit happens, rama rama.
Shit happens, rama rama. RASTAFARIAN This is good shit, mon!
This is good shit, mon!PRESBYTERIAN This shit was bound to happen.
This shit was bound to happen. EPISCOPALIAN It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you
It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as youserve the right wine with it. METHODIST It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you
It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as youserve grape juice with it. CONGREGATIONALISTShit that happens to one person is just as
Shit that happens to one person is just asgood as shit that happens to another. UNITARIAN Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as
Shit that happens to one person is just as bad asshit that happens to another. LUTHERAN If shit happens, don't talk about it.
If shit happens, don't talk about it. ANGELCANISM It's true, shit does happen -- but only to
It's true, shit does happen -- but only toLutherans.FUNDAMENTALISM If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are
If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) CALVINISM Shit happens because you don't work.
Shit happens because you don't work. SEVENTH DAY ADVENTISMNo shit shall happen on Saturday.
No shit shall happen on Saturday. CREATIONISM God made all shit.
God made all shit. SECULAR HUMANISM Shit evolves.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
UNITARIANISNM Come let us reason together about this shit.
Come let us reason together about this shit. QUAKERS Let us not fight over this shit.
Let us not fight over this shit. UTOPIANISMThis shit does not stink.
This shit does not stink. DARWINISM This shit was once food.
This shit was once food. EVOLUTIONISM The world is getting shittier all the time.
The world is getting shittier all the time.CREATIONISM ... And the Lord said "Let there be shit"
... And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it.After six days of this shit, He rested.CAPITALISM That's MY shit.
That's MY shit. COMMUNISM It's everybody's shit.
It's everybody's shit. FEMINISM Men are shit.
Men are shit. CHAUVINISMWe may be shit, but you can't live without us...
We may be shit, but you can't live without us...COMMERCIALISM Let's package this shit.
Let's package this shit. IMPRESSIONISMFrom a distance, shit looks like a garden.
From a distance, shit looks like a garden. EXISTENTIALISM Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Shit doesn't happen; shit IS. HEDONISM There is nothing like a good shit happening!
There is nothing like a good shit happening! MORMONISM Excrement happens.
Excrement happens. (You can't say "shit" in Utah)SCIENTOLOGY If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157. JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
>Knock< >Knock< Shit happens. MOONIES Only really happy shit happens.
Only really happy shit happens. CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS BoB shits.
BoB shits. BORN AGAIN Shit Happens, but I am saved.
Shit Happens, but I am saved.VOODOO Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it
Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you; let's stick some pins in this shit!ESTYou're responsible for all the shit that happens.
You're responsible for all the shit that happens.AMISHShit is good for the soil.
Shit is good for the soil.SHINTO You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.MYSTICISM This is really weird shit.
This is really weird shit.CELTIC PAGANISM Shit, go bragh!
RAJHNEESH Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.
Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.MITHRAISM Bull shit happens.
Bull shit happens.DOMINICANS Believe in shit, or we'll boil you in it.
Believe in shit, or we'll boil you in it.DRUIDISM Shit Happens. The Trees say so.
Shit Happens. The Trees say so.BRANCH DAVIDIANS If shit happens, have a big barbecue...
JIM JONEISM If shit happens, drink Kool-Aid.
If shit happens, drink Kool-Aid.TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION Shiiiiiit ... Shiiiiiit... Shiiiiiit...
Shiiiiiit ... Shiiiiiit... Shiiiiiit...TELEVANGELISMYour tax-deductible donation could make this
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening...HITCHHIKERISM The answer to all shit is 42.
The answer to all shit is 42.NEW AGE That's not shit, it's feldspar.
That's not shit, it's feldspar.ATHEISM I don’t believe in shit.
I don’t believe in shit.ALCOHLICS ANONYMOUS Shit happens-one day at a time!
Shit happens-one day at a time!"Let there be shit and the shit was good, and man will step in it from this day forth." - GOD-----------------------------------------------------If you know of any good 'SHIT HAPPENS' statements please forwarded them to us so that we can add them to this list. Thank you.RETURN TO:
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